Benjamin Franklin’s 7 Reasons Why Small-Breasted Women are Superior

(First published in “Poor Richard After Dark” in 1759.)

  1. Lightning strikes large objects first. Thus does the almighty instruct us that it is prudent to be modest in all things.
  2. Man’s discourse declines when distracted by the vista of a large and shapely bosom.
  3. Sir Isaac Newton studied an apple, not a watermelon.
  4. The great constructions of the Egyptians, the pyramids, tapered from bottom to top and not the reverse.
  5. A wife with a smaller bosom will redouble her efforts to please in the kitchen and as a helpmeet.
  6. Undergarments, with their silken strings, hooks, buckles, frills, garters, buttons, ligamentures and the rest, are more easily removed from a slim and streamlined figure.
  7. On cold nights, the thermal economy of snuggling is increased when bodies may be more closely press’d together.
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